You are not alone
by Chrystalie
Summary: Amy has learned a bad news from her doctor. How will Sheldon and the others react? This is my first fanfic in English * excited * I couldn't have done this without Chiany (Thank you again for accepting to be my beta reader) Rating may change in the future. I don't know if this first one will be a long story or not. Please review if you like :) I don't own anything, TBBT isn't mine
1. Chapter 1

Amy was in her car, on the way to visit her boyfriend.

She had finally had the answer of the test the doctor had prescribed few weeks ago.  
>The origin of her headaches and vertigo had a name: tumor.<br>To be specific, a malignant brain tumor so misplaced that no one couldn't do anything about it. That beats everything for a neuroscientist!  
>She went over the situation a thousand times in her head, there were no solutions.<p>

Yes, the doctor told her about the probability to live longer thanks to an experimental treatment.  
>If it works as they wish, she knows she had a chance to be healthy and saved, but in the other way, she has a lot to lose if it fails. She knows brains. She knows where her tumor is. She knows she can stay paralyzed or worse.<br>From the other side, she knows if she didn't do anything, she'll die.

There was no compromise.

She realized how alone she is in here and how bad she felt right now.

And she, she was a doctor in science, not a doctor in medicine. Even though, she would not open her own skull to try.  
>For the love of science, maybe she would let them use her for their tests … as she uses her monkeys.<p>

"It's a stupid reasoning Amy" she told herself, one hand on the steering wheel, the other trying to erase in a clumsy way the tears blurring her sight.

She had to see Sheldon.

She knows very well that he would not react as she'd like to. She knows as well as he does, that he's still unable of compassion and empathy. He's trying yes, but right now, it won't be enough.  
>Knowing that, she just needed to see his face, hear his voice.<br>No matter he would criticize her unscheduled visit, no matter what he will say or not after that…

Therefore, she parked few steps from the building. She starts to blame herself for coming. She doesn't want to bother him and hesitate to get out of her car.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn't realize that she was being observed.  
>Then the compulsive "knock knock knock" of Sheldon was heard against her window, she looked up and saw him there, surprised, Leonard in the back watching the scene.<p>

She opened her window but couldn't say a word.

"_Amy, what are you doing here, it's not Thursday night, right?"_

Sheldon's hands were clutching on to the bags with the take-out dinner, apparently embarrassed by the situation, Sheldon is dancing from one foot to the other, waiting for her answer.

"_I know. It can wait. Good night Sheldon"_

She is about to leave but he prevents her.  
>She can read in his eyes that he seems affected by her presence. He wants to understand.<p>

"_Since you are here, would you like to come up with us, we eat Thai food tonight" Sheldon asks quietly_

"_I don't think I will be good company"_

"_You'll always be better company than Leonard. For once, the conversation will be put to a higher level"_

"_Hey!" retorts Leonard in his back_

"_Without offense Leonard, you know I am right. I don't even know why I repeat myself"_

He heard his friend blow but did not return. Amy finally nods, sketching out a smile.

Sheldon stepped aside the door so she could get out of her car.

Then they silently walk up the three stairs to finally arrive at the apartment 4A.

Once inside, they sat in their usual manner and places. They unwrapped their dishes and began to eat.  
>Amy looked at her meal but was not hungry. In fact, it's been a while since appetite had left her. Now she understands why.<br>She tried to bring her fork to her mouth and grimaced once she felt the taste of her food.

She felt him gazing at her from time to time. She barely talks, listening to Sheldon and Leonard about their respective day at work. Leonard is typing something on his phone, smiling.  
>Then he stands up, placing his empty dish in the garbage.<p>

"Okay, I'm going to see Penny; she absolutely wants to watch a romantic movie with me, again."

He sighs and smiles again.

"_Good night Leonard, say hi to my bestie for me please!"_

He nods and she looks at the door when he leaves and turns to Sheldon, still silent.  
>Truth to be told, she knows that Leonard escaped the apartment because of the weird atmosphere in the air. Once the sound of door closing was heard, Sheldon starts to speak.<p>

"_When you said that you would not be good company, I have to admit Amy you were right. You don't speak, don't eat … that's inappropriate from someone who hadn't asked before coming that late."_

"_I'm sorry Sheldon. I had a tough week early."_

He looks at her as he was thinking.

"_Do you still have your headaches? Do you want a hot beverage before going home?"_

"_Yes please, the same mixed tea as usual"_

She had not answered his question but he decided to not insist.

"_OK"_

She looked at him while he was preparing the tea. She was used to each of his routines. The tea bags. The way he still not approved the way she drinks hers. The respective cups.

Then she felt dizzy again. She lets herself sink a little more in the couch, not daring to move. Sheldon comes back to her, cups in his hands.  
>Putting his own on the table and holding the other to Amy, at the time of reaching out the cup, she realizes her hands shaking and hastens to place them both on her thighs.<br>Sheldon notices but says nothing. He puts her cup alongside to his and sits in his spot.

"_Sheldon, we have to speak" _Amy said in a serious tone

"_You know I hate when you start your sentences with "my name" and "we have to" _Sheldon retorted, annoyed by the fact she's still doing it

"_I don't know how to say … what I have to say"_

"_Do you want to break up with me Amy Farrah Fowler?"_

Amy surprised by what he means, quickly answered._ "No … I …"_

"_I know I did not fit in all the "perfect boyfriend boxes" but I made efforts lately"_

"_Sheldon …"_

"_I can see that something is not going right and I can't put my finger on this thing. You know how frustrating is it for me to always try to decode"_

"_I'm dying Sheldon__"_

He stares at her for a few minutes. Yes, she was pale, but that was not unusual. Her hands shake. But she said she was tired because of her week already.

"_Amy, we all die some day. It's what we call "the process in human nature". We are born, we live and we die and as you know, as long as cyborgs won't be ready to receive the transfer of our consciousness, things will be the same"_

She takes her breath. _"I'm dying. I have 6 months left. More or less"_

"_This is not funny! Are you trying to punish me for something I've done Amy?"_

She looked him in the eyes. He closes them as he twists his hand.  
>She felt tears coming. She answered hardly.<p>

"_This is not a joke Sheldon"_


	2. Chapter 2

_« Danger! Danger! »_

Sheldon is sitting in the middle of his bed, sweated and looking terrified.  
>That's the third day in a row he wakes up in the middle of the night; restless as if he had a nightmare or if someone came into his bedroom.<p>

_« No one is allowed to come in my room » _he said out loud_  
><em>  
>He rubbed his face, watched the hour and sighed.<br>3 hours left before the wake-up alarm. 3 hours before his daily routine has a sense.  
>Yet, despite of his tiredness, he knows he won't be able to go back to sleep.<p>

_« I'm dying, Sheldon »_

The only thing he could think about, were the words Amy pronounced Monday evening, when she had come unexpectedly.

_« This is not a joke… »_

This night, his world has completely turned upside down.  
>Of course, Sheldon Lee Cooper was not a hippie, so he didn't cry, or either took Amy in his arms.<br>He didn't try to be comforting, he stayed himself.  
>He listened to her talk, he looked at her cry, he didn't move though, scared to have his legs give away beneath him.<p>

He lay down again and closed his eyes. Behind his eyelid, the same movie is playing, again and again. 

[Flashback] 

When he opened is his eyes, he knew she can read in them what he felt at this moment.  
>She didn't move, she stares at him a few seconds then looks at her hands.<p>

"_I am sorry. I didn't mean to tell you what's happening, the way I did." _Amy is now facing him again, trying to keep calm.

She waits in hope he would say something but he won't, so she keeps going.

"_Yes I still have my headaches and as the time go on, they got worse"_ she said, answering to the question he asked earlier.

_"Few weeks ago I fell in my apartment for no reason, I decided to consult and the doctor prescribed a MRI. I have a Glioblastoma multiform, stage 3, almost 4. I can't be operated because of its size and of where it is."_

She puts two fingers on her head to show approximately where the tumor is located.  
>Sheldon noticed that her eyes were strangely sparkling, like she wasn't talking about her anymore but about someone else, someone else's brain too.<br>Then the sparkling disappeared and her eyes turned to green emerald to something much darker.

"_The doctor said __the likelihood of a cure__ is very low with the experimental treatment. The side effects are numerous and the risk, substantial."  
><em>

She bites her bottom lip and starts to cry, rubbing her thighs with the flat of her hands.  
>Sheldon was still, he didn't know what to say. He was clearly not the man of the situation.<br>The only thing he could think about is "why her, why Amy?"

_"Amy …" he whispered_

"_I don't know what to do … I'm so lost …" _Amy said, not letting him a chance to talk.

She looked into his eyes, as she was looking for an answer.  
>And then, she asked suddenly.<br>_  
>"Sheldon, since you have always known what's good or not good in that universe, if it was you, what will you do?"<br>_

**First, thank you so much for your reviews. It means a lot to me.  
>And thank you again to Chiany (you're such a great help as a beta reader and I'm a big fan of your stories :) !) <strong>


	3. Chapter 3

_"Sheldon, since you have always known what's good or not good in that universe, if it was you, what will you do?"  
><em>

_« What will I do …? » _Sheldon began to think, conscious of the expression and the waiting of his girlfriend.

What would he do if it was him instead of her?

He would certainly die.

He could not survive knowing himself limited.  
>It would be something about a leg or an arm, it would be different.<br>His brain was his tool; his brain allows him more than his body can.

He would refuse that they bury him as a simple passers-by, without the Dr. in front of his name.  
>He dedicated his life to science, he can't lose that.<br>He still had to share his gift to the greatest number and win his Nobel Prize.

He would tell her that he'd refuse any treatment and any medical intervention, because yes, he always know what's good or not, especially for him.

On the other hand, the decision she would take after his answer would be inadmissible.

For a few years now, he and Amy had a relationship of the spirit. She was his equal - even though he would never say it openly - and loves these moments spent in her company.

Amy changed him.

Little by little, she managed to get a true place in his world and although it is difficult for him to admit it, it would be unable to imagine his life without her.

No sound is heard in the apartment for a few minutes aside from his anarchic breathing.

Unable to give a coherent response, Sheldon began to run out of air, panicking.

"_I think I shall leave"_ Amy said, aware of Sheldon's state.

She starts to get up from the couch but before she reached her bag, Sheldon stopped her, his right hand on her arm.

_"Amy, please, wait"_ His tone of voice sounds almost imploring. He can't let her go. Not like that.

She sat back, waiting for him to talk.

"_You came to ask me what to do. You came because I am your boyfriend and according to our relationship agreement, that's my duty to take care of you when you're sick"_ he states calmly

"_We're not talking about having a cold here, Sheldon. If you want to take care of me because of our agreement, I can't let you do that."_

"_Why not?"_ he answered, surprised by her answer

"_Because I don't want you to take care of me because you have to but because you want to, that's the point" _She took a break and a deep breath

"_By the way, no __matter what my decision is, you're not responsible and we can terminate our relationship now" _She looked down and withdrew into herself**.**

"_What, no! Amy. No. Look at me, Amy. Look at me. Damn it, don't act like a child. You know I'm the one to do that."_ He expressed himself, more angrily than he thought.

"_You need to know I care about you Amy. You know that. The agreement exists because I need control in my life. You know that too. In fact, you know me better than anyone else. How could you consider, just one minute, that I don't want to be there for you when you need it"_

"_Probably because that's not you Sheldon"_ She said sadly, tears starting to flow again

"_Because I'm scared to die. Because I don't want you to deal with the sick, desperate and soon-to-be-dead Amy"_

"_Listen to me, that's me. What I will tell you right now, takes __me a lot of effort and you need to consider that."_ He cleared his throat

"_I need you to fight and stay alive because I … need you. In my life. I can't accept you … leaving … and I'm not telling you that because of our relationship agreement."_

"_We're a couple. As I told you before, it is really hard for me to be the one you're expecting. The one I think you deserve. So, if you really listen to me, if my opinion counts for you, take an appointment with your doctor and let him do whatever it helps."_

He puts his hand on hers to give sense to his words, even if he's shaking.

"_Oh, Sheldon …"_ She put her other hand on his; afraid he could change his mind.

But he couldn't.

He responded softly_ "You are not alone, Amy. Not anymore"_

[End of Flashback]

**Thank you again for your reviews, I hope you liked this chapter :)**  
><strong>I'm writing the next one at this moment.<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Writer note: **** I'm so sorry I took so much time for this chapter. I hope it won't disappoint you.**

**It was hard because there's a lot of angst in it and I had to find a way to make each character not too much different from the show.**

**I will try to write the next chapter very soon and I promise a happy end. But for the moment, I'm still writing heavy drama, I just hope you will be patient. **

**Thanks again to my amazing beta, Chiany.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Few days later, 4A apartment<strong>

Leonard is working on his computer, lifting his head from time to time to look at Sheldon.  
>He is sitting in his spot, watching absently at the TV screen.<p>

_"Hey buddy, are you okay?"_

No answer.

He gets up to prepare himself a coffee _"Do you want some tea? ''_

Still no answer.

_"Sheldon, you've been quiet the last few days and I'm starting to worry. Are you in the zone about your work again?"_

Sheldon looks up in Leonard's direction.

_"If that was the case, I wouldn't be here sitting in the couch, but standing in front of my board"_

He answered, using an annoyed tone as he has pointed out the obvious.

_"I haven't seen Amy recently, did something happened?"_

He used the remote control to turn off the television and got up of the couch.

_"Can't I just relax in front of one of my beloved series, Leonard? "_

He wrote something on his board and just cleaned it just after.

_"Why do you think there's always a reason for each of my actions?"_

_"Because there is always a reason for each of your actions?" _

"_Nonsense"_

_"Are you sure that you don't want to talk to me? '' _Leonard tried, calmly.  
><em><br>"I'm here for you; it's okay to talk when something goes wrong you know?"_

_"Your mother is right. Everything is about you!" Sheldon shouted suddenly. _

"_And FYI, no, I don't want to talk. End of the talk!"_

He left the room, letting Leonard baffled by the scene that has just taken place before his eyes.

* * *

><p><strong>At the same moment, in Glendale<strong>

"_Hello mother" _

"_Hello Amy, to what do I owe the honor of your call_?" Amy's mother pursed her lips, adjusting her glasses.

"_I would like to know if I can come to visit you soon"_

"_Are you in trouble? Is it about that young man you talk about sometimes? Are you pregnant?"_

"_Mom"_ She started to cry _"no, Sheldon did nothing. And no, I'm not pregnant"_

"_What is it then?"_

"_I'm tired and I just need to take few weeks off, moreover, you often reproach me to not come to see you so …"_

"_This is not a reproach but a reality. I'd like to just spend more time with my daughter, is that a crime?"_ She kept silent a few seconds, watching Amy's face _"Are you sick?"_

Amy took a deep breath, seeing her mother's worrying face on screen  
><em>"I... I don't want to give you all the details by Skype"<em>

"_When do you want to come?"_

"_This evening?"_ Amy asked, with mixed feelings.

"_I will come to pick you up at the airport."_

* * *

><p><strong>Back to 4A apartment, next day<strong>

_"Sheldon, you're sure you don't want pizza?"_

"_No, thank you Penny"_ he replied without raising his head from his book

She turns to Leonard and hands him a part of his pizza

_"What is wrong with whack-a-doodle? ''_

_"Oh, who knows? He's like that for over a week now"_

_"I bet one of his favorite stores closed and now he's sulking"_ added Howard, kindly mocking him.

_"I do not sulk. By the way, none of my stores have closed recently."_

"_Oh, come on Sheldon, react, say something!"_ He looked at the others _"I can't believe I'm saying this …"_

_"Do not insist Howard, Sheldon is obviously in need of calm and space at the moment"_

"_Thank you, Rajesh" _Sheldon nodded quickly and get back to his lecture.

"_Have you guys heard about Amy lately?"_ Penny inquired to everyone in the living room

They all answered no, except Sheldon who hasn't dared to answer at all.

"_She's probably working late these days" _answered Bernadette

"_Or she's probably avoiding Shelbot, since he got pissed for nothing"_

His wife gave him a little knock in the left arm.

"_What?"_

Penny sat next to him, wondering what keeps him so silent.

"_What are you reading sweetie?"_

"_None of your business, Penny" _

"_Oh come on, you know I'm curious"_ She smiled at him and tilt her head to read the title of his book cover.

"_I said none of your business"_ repeated himself, closing his book and holding it closely against his lap.

"_Why are you so angry? It's just a book!"_

"_I'm just tired of your stupid questions all the time. Actually, I'm tired of all of you. If you excuse me, I'm going to my room."_

He almost ran into his bedroom and closed his door with a loud bang.

Everyone looked surprised; Howard shrugged and muttered

"_What did I say?"_

* * *

><p><strong>Later, the same day<strong>

"_Look, he left the book on the table"_ realized Leonard when everyone had left.

Penny reached it _"let see what he was hiding"_ and start reading out loud _"Caring for a Loved One with Cancer … wait, what the heck is that? Did he mention someone sick in his family?"_

"_No, I would remember, for sure"_ answered Leonard, concerned.

"_Then, why would he read something like that, who did he want to comfort?"_ She paused _"No, that can't be possible!"_

"_What? Penny, what's happening? Please just calm down and talk to me."_

"_Oh my god, that can't be Amy, no, no, no"_

She was crying now, and Leonard felt as bad as her when he realized it could be their friend. He took his phone and handed it to Penny.

"_Here, try to call her"_

After a few tries and a message left on her answering machine, they decided to wait for morning to go to her apartment to see if she was okay due to the late time it was.  
>Penny stayed a little bit more with her boyfriend before going back to her apartment and attempt to finally sleep.<p>

* * *

><p>He was looking at his clock. It's almost 3 in the morning.<br>Despite of his tiredness, he couldn't sleep.

He heard Penny crying. He heard one hour later Leonard going into his bedroom to sleep.  
>He had left the book on the table, yes, and he had left it intentionally.<br>He needed them to know, he couldn't say the truth because he was himself too worried.

Why Amy wasn't answering to his messages, to his calls?  
>It was true; she hadn't given any news for days now.<br>He knew she needed some time to think and make a decision. She needed space.  
>And him, he needed her. And this silence was becoming unbearable.<p>

What if the worst happened? What if she was lying unconscious in her apartment? What if it was too late?

He knows it was late, but he couldn't help it. He was freaking out. He wanted to go … now.

"_Knock, knock, knock, Leonard? Are you sleeping?"_

"_I was, Sheldon"_ He heard from the other side of the wall.

The door of Leonard's room opened, he puts the lights on.

"_What do you want?" _

"_I need you to drive me to Amy's apartment."_

"_Right now? Come on Sheldon, it's the middle of the night! Can't you wait until morning?"_ Leonard uttered, obviously annoyed.

"_No, I need to see if she's okay and I can't go on my own"_

"_Amy is sick right? Is this why you're acting so weird?"_

"_I don't want to talk right now, please, drive me there"_

Leonard sat in his bed and crossed his arms.

_"I won't go anywhere unless you answered to my question."_

"_Yes she is sick and you won't have any more details from me because while we're talking about how, when, why, she's probably laying on her ground, asking for help." _

Sheldon was visibly out of breath and was panicking a lot.

Leonard got out of his bedroom and shouted _"Let's go!"_

Penny was sleeping until she heard a buzz near of her.

She opened her eyes and saw Amy's name. She opened the message, thinking it was an answer for their previous phone calls. She realized quickly she was wrong.

"_Hi, I'm Amy's mother. You were the last person she talked to and I didn't know who to contact.  
>She had an attack one hour ago and she's still in surgery. If you want to come over here, call me first, I will give you an update and I will tell you where the hospital is. I'm sorry to wake you with this information but it seems you are important to my daughter."<em>

She jumped on her feet and went to 4A, screaming Leonard and Sheldon's name in the entire apartment.  
>Then, she grabbed her phone, asking him where they went by message, since she was unable to talk out loud, emotionally disturbed.<p>

He answered few seconds later, telling her that they were on their way to Amy's apartment.  
>She decided to keep the information until she joined them. She went back to the entrance, took her car keys and went down the stairs running.<p>

* * *

><p>The door is open. Sheldon is motionless, pale and holding his breath.<br>Leonard looked at his friend, silent.  
>Then he heard footsteps and turned around to see Penny coming in their way.<p>

"_Leonard …"_

She was crying again, shaking in his arms.

"_Hey … Look, I don't know what's happening, Sheldon walked in with his spare keys and after few seconds, he said that she left."_

"_Leonard, I … I got a message from Amy's mother. Oh my god, I … I don't know how to say that"_  
>She looked at Sheldon, he wasn't moving at all. She wondered if he was still breathing.<p>

_"She had an attack. She's waiting for my call to give me the hospital address. We need to go."_

A loud noise is heard. Sheldon fell on the ground. Penny and Leonard immediately ran to him.

_"Sheldon?! Sheldon!"_


	5. Chapter 5

**Writer note: **_Yes, I know, I said I would post this chapter earlier. My apologizes.  
>I was in the middle of my exams and I disconnected from reality the last month so, now that my mind is free, I'm writing again.<em>

_FYI, we don't know Amy's mother first name or living location, so for this fanfic, I've chosen Fresno (far but not that far from Pasadena).  
><em>_I don't know if I will give her a name (I read a lot of fanfic here and someone – sorry I don't remember who – called her Sandra. So maybe … if this person doesn't mind ;)) for the moment, it'll be Mrs Fowler._

_I don't really know where I'm going with this story but I've got some ideas.  
>Thanks for your review (&amp; for reading me of course); I hope you'll like this chapter (and the next ones).<em>

_Maybe Sheldon or Amy will sound a bit OOC  
>.<em>**  
><strong>_P.S: Dr. Bickman is a brilliant brain-surgeon in the great TV show "Black Box" (and unfortunately, this character isn't mine lol)_

* * *

><p><strong>Amy's POV<strong>

Everything around me is white. The light is so powerful. It hurts.  
>I don't know where I am.<p>

I remember I fell in my mother's kitchen after I had felt that my head was going to explode. Not literally of course.

I can't keep my eyes opened for a long time. I can't distinguish the details in that room. Am I dead?  
>My head still hurts, I can't be dead.<p>

_Amy, think harder…  
>I might be at the hospital<em>.

I took a deep breath and I tried to open my eyes once again.

That's it. I'm in a hospital room. I'm wondering how long I've been here.  
>There are wires around me and I definitely can't move too much.<br>I can hear sounds from the outside, from behind the door.

All I know is how exhausted I am and how bad I feel now, physically and mentally.

I hear that someone is opening the door.

He hates hospital. I can't believe he's here. I'm probably dreaming already.  
>His face. His worried expression. Him. So close and so distant at the same time.<br>He came closer and sat near my bed. He kept silent. But his look said it all.

No words were needed.

He reached my left hand, carefully and held it tight.

I looked at him the best I could in my current state. His eyes were red. Did he cry?

The warmth of his palm helps me to relax. There is no better cure against my pain.  
>I always felt secure with Sheldon.<br>I need to sleep.  
>I hope he would not mind.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Sheldon's POV<strong>

Everything around me is dark.  
>I'm not sure to know where I am.<p>

I remember I fell in Amy's apartment when I heard Penny said that she had an attack and that she's at the hospital.  
>I can't distinguish the details in that room. They are sounds around me but I don't understand them.<br>My head hurts badly and everything is spinning when I try to open my eyes.

I start to recognize Penny's voice, then Leonard's.  
>I leave the ground where I was laying. They are helping me on my feet.<br>I hate to be touched but right now, it feels right, I need support.

I can't walk by my own. I trust them. Of course, I will keep that thought to myself, I don't want them to know how I feel. I'm not a hippie for god's sake.

They sat me down on Amy's couch.  
>Now, I can hear Penny perfectly. She's talking on her phone.<p>

"I don't know Mrs. Fowler, no … yes we have a car but it might take a while before we arrive at the hospital. (Turning to Leonard) Have you checked the planes?"

"Yes, but the first one leaves in 4 hours and I'm not even sure we can book for the three of us."

"OK (returning to her call) we're taking the car, we should be there around 8 AM. Please keep us informed if something happen. OK. Thank you Mrs. Fowler."

"Are we going?" I asked, looking at them now I regain consciousness.

"Yes, we are, do you feel better? Are you sure you can handle the ride?" Penny said, trying to stay calm.

"I'm not staying, if that's your question. Amy is my girlfriend; I need to be there for her."  
>I got up of the couch, trying to not fall again.<p>

"OK then, let's go" Penny added, followed by Leonard and me.

In the middle of our trip, I realized a simple fact: I cannot deny my feelings anymore.

Knowing that Amy is at the hospital - probably between life and death – is the worst thing that had happened in my entire life.

Even being bullied or mocked in my childhood was bearable in comparison (stupid neighbors …)  
>Even String Theory and Nobel Prize seemed less important right now.<p>

I'm wondering what will happen if we're too late, if we can't reach the distance between Pasadena and Fresno at the right time. She needs me.

I watched at the car meter and I saw that Leonard was driving 20 miles under the actual limitation.

"Can't you drive faster Leonard?"

Silence

"What did you say buddy?" Leonard was looking at me in the rear-view mirror.

"I said, we are too slow, push the accelerator, we don't have time for the landscape."

"I thought you would mind if I went too fast."

"I don't."

"OK"

I felt the car moving faster and my heart skipped a beat. I hate that but clearly, I don't have the choice.

I'm grateful to Leonard for not trying to comfort me or whatever things he would do and I would disapprove.

Penny cried the two first hours and now, she's sleeping.  
>I guess I should sleep too but I can't.<br>Closing my eyes would be a risk I'm not willing to take.

I watched the road scroll by for the rest of the ride, counting every minute I got closer to her.

* * *

><p>"You must be Penny" said a tiny brown-heared woman to the group when they arrived.<p>

"Yes, Mrs Fowler. Thank you for telling us about your daughter. Here are Leonard and Sheldon."

Mrs Fowler went to shake Sheldon hand but he simply greets her with a movement of his head, looks around him and sat on the first chair near of them.

"How is she?" asked Penny, concerned.

"As I told you by text messages, I don't know."  
>"I'm here for six hours now and since they got her in surgery, no one came to me."<p>

She seemed very tired and fragile. That's not really how Penny could have pictured her.  
>Not after all the stories she heard from Amy.<p>

Obviously, she never said her mother was a monster or a bad person.  
>But she was excepting someone more like … Leonard's mother maybe?<p>

"Maybe we should ask to the emergency reception?" Leonard asked

"You can try but I doubt they would say something either"

The poor woman seemed so alone right now.

"Let's try then" added Leonard, a little smile on his face, trying to be comforting.

"Good luck honey" Penny rubbed his back quickly.

She sat next to Sheldon and invited Amy's mother to do the same. They were all tired.

"So … Mrs Fowler, it's great to finally meet you … even if that's definitely not under better circumstances."

"Indeed" She sighed.

"Um … did you know Amy was sick?"

"I learnt the news before she had her attack. Did you know …?"

"No, not before tonight. And I'm not quite sure to know what she has."

"Neither am I."

They both stayed silent for a few minutes, until Sheldon started to talk, in a robotic tone.

"Malignant brain tumor, stage 3."

"What are you saying Sheldon?" Penny asked, turning to look at him.

"Brain tumor. Cancer. Non-operable."

He closed his eyes and his hands tightened on his knees. He was crashing.

"Young man, since you're intimate with my daughter, would you mind give me some explanation as, why did she hide this from me, her mother. Why did she come to me last night as if nothing happened?" Her tone sounded so serious in a glance.

"Mrs Fowler, I don't think Amy was trying to hide you something like this, she came to you as you said and …"

"I asked Sheldon …" She interrupted Penny, before waiting for him to answer.

He opened his eyes to look at them.  
>He couldn't fool himself or anyone else, he was devastated.<br>He was going to answer when Leonard and a doctor interrupted them.

"Mrs Fowler, I am Dr. Bickman. Please follow me." He shaked her trembling hand and bring them in front of her hospital room for privacy.

"Is my daughter …?" inquired Mrs Fowler.

"She's stable; we were able to stop the hemorrhage in her brain before it caused too much damage."

"Can I see her?"

"She needs to have some rest. It was a heavy operation."

" Plus, your daughter needs an MRI and a culture of cell strain in laboratory, since we've found necrotic tissue when we stopped the bleeding."

"She has a Glioblastoma Multiform" said Sheldon, trying to stand up on his feet.  
>Dr. Bickman turned to him instantly.<p>

"You are?"

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper, her boyfriend"

"You are a doctor in …"

"I'm a Theoretical physicist (taking a quick pause) she told me one week ago. Can you help her?"

"I didn't know or I would have given the information when we arrived here …" whispered Mrs. Fowler.

"We are doing the best to help Amy. Now that I know what she has, we need to start chemotherapy as soon as possible. Please Mrs. Fowler, follow me, I have some papers for you to sign."

"We are staying here Mrs. Fowler. We'll wait for you." assured Penny

"Thank you."

As the doctor and Amy's mother were leaving, Sheldon got closer to the door of Amy's room. He was about to open it when Leonard stopped him.

"You heard the doctor, we can't go in there. Not yet."

"She needs me. I don't care" He tried to push Leonard away but Penny came to help.

"Sheldon, we can't take that risk, I'm sure she knows you are here for her. Well, not in the same place. But believe me, she knows."

He looked at them, one hand on the door handle.

"I know what you're trying to do. You are good friends. But right now, I can't listen to you. So cover me."

And with that, he entered the room and closed it quickly behind him.

* * *

><p><strong>Sheldon POV<strong>

The first thing in that room was the smell. Strong, powerful hospital smell. And the sound coming from the ECG. Her heartbeats.  
>I turned and then I saw her.<p>

She was lying on the bed, wires attached to her and other medical stuff I'm not sure to recognize.  
>She's awake and she's looking at me.<br>Maybe she felt my presence.

Even if I'm bad for reading facial expression, she seems surprised.  
>I understand that. I hate hospital, she knows that.<p>

I hate the fact she's sick and I can't do anything to make her feel better.  
>I hate that she's in here, right now.<br>I need to get closer. To touch her. To let her know that I'm here, no matter what.

I take a chair and sit near of her. I reached her left hand and put it carefully in mine.

The warmth of her palm helps me to relax. I needed to feel her alive.

She closed her eyes and I will stay here, with her, until someone finds out.  
>My eyes are closing. I'm so tired.<p>

I hope she would not mind.

**x Next chapter soon x**


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